So Coworker C and I have a fondness for SyFy Original Movies, and even though we live on opposite coasts we try to keep each other updated with possible New Movie News. Today we had this conversation via jabber:
Me: Having to do with nothing really I read that SyFy is having another terrible original movie this Saturday "Snowmageddon" --which I think premiered last week, but I haven't really been paying attention to TV lately. Points to SyFy for the ridiculous in the extreme.
Coworker C: I'm actually really surprised they haven't already used "Snowmageddon" as a title
Me: Yeah - except it is supposed to take place in Alaska (which looks suspiciously like Vancouver woods *not in winter,* but whatever) on Christmas - and stars a magical freaking snowglobe. Oy. Even the Magical Easter Island Heads Save the World had a better (if just as thin) plot.
Coworker C: Oh, Vancouver. It looks just like everywhere else, except how it doesn't really
Me: Yeah. And funny how no matter where in the world a SyFy Original Movie takes place it ALWAYS looks like the Vancouver woods.
Coworker C: Magic snowglobes, huh? But is it an EVIL snowglobe?
Me: Well, YEAH. Anything that happens in the snowglobe happens in the town. Apparently. Although I have to give it to the actors they get for these things. They're all SRS BIZNESS and the audience is all "ORLY? HAHHAHAHAHAHAAH!"
Coworker C: Like a voodoo snowglobe? Oh, man, THAT's what I should have asked for for Christmas
Coworker C: (And yes. Those poor, poor actors and their dignity)
Me: VOODOO SNOWGLOBE! (voodoo - who do? you do - do what? remind me of the babe) From a "synopsis": When the Miller family discovers a mysterious gift outside their home on Christmas Eve, they could never imagine it would contain the power to doom their idyllic mountain community. The gift contains a snow globe with a perfect reflection of their own town inside. When they shake it, snow even begins to fall - whatever happens inside the snow globe happens to their town for real. But when buttons on the snow globe unleash a series of terrible disasters on the town, the family must band together and find a way to destroy it - before it’s too late.
Me: (I assume they mean destroy the GLOBE not the TOWN.)
Coworker C: HA!
Coworker C: And who did they get to star in this masterpiece?
Me: David Cubitt ("Medium"), Michael Hogan ("Battlestar Galactica"), and Magda Apanowicz ("Caprica") star in this Cinetel production from director Sheldon Wilson (Shallow Ground, Mothman)
Me: So people you will likely recognize but not know immediately...
Coworker C: Yeah, SyFy tends to have a lot of "Hey, It's That Guy" people
Me: Well, they gotta make mortgage payments and rent payments and eat, too. Want to do a SyFy Original Movie? Uh, well, gotta eat, so sure.
Coworker C: See, if I was an actor, my response would be, "Only if it's extremely ridiculous."
Me: ITS SyFy ORIGINAL MOVIE! Of COURSE its ridiculous!
Coworker C: Exactly
Me: I swear they must be written by committee - and not a good one.
Coworker C: Round-robin!
Coworker C: continuity? what continuity!
Me: If these are the scripts that get made into movies, I REALLY don't want to see what their "reject" pile looks like!
Coworker C: I'm guessing that the reject pile is frequently visited for new ideas
Me: ...oh. oh. OH! THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!
Coworker C: Quick! We have 48 hours to write a new movie! 'Well, if we take the first act of "Megatron vs Sharktopus" and put that after the third act of "Really Cold Weather" and tie in the dropped plot threads from "Ridiculous Movie X..."'
Me: No funds for location shots? Okay we can just transplant whatever ancient thing we need for this plot point somewhere else in the world and bury it underground... Aliens did it!
Coworker C: Ooooh! Rip off Stonehenge Apocolypse and make the plot be about a terroforming device that's changing the Earth to be EXACTLY LIKE VANCOUVER
Me: ...when Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is an exponentially better movie than anything you can come up with it might be time to hang up your screenwriting... YES - Stonehenge Apocalypse REMIX! (THE VANCOUVER CHAPTER)
Coworker C: :D
And what I didn't tell her, but will tell you... I've read better BADFIC than some of the crap SyFy comes up with for scripts. On the other hand, they do sometimes cast some pretty people. So at least there's eyecandy to go with the Ridiculous Plot of the Moment(TM).